Sexual wellness is something most women don’t talk about openly, until something changes.
Perimenopause.
Postpartum recovery.
Stress.
Painful sex.
Vaginal dryness.
Loss of desire.
These are the conversations that quietly come up in emails, at events, after podcast interviews, and in messages from women who are trying to understand what’s happening in their bodies and what they can do about it.
When I started Upstate Mary, it wasn’t because I wanted to build a CBD company. It was because I was trying to reconnect with my own body and my own intimacy after going through health challenges from breast cancer, motherhood, and the physical and emotional shifts that come with midlife.
Over time, I noticed the same questions kept coming up again and again.
So I wanted to answer them here; honestly, clearly, and without shame.
1. What Is CBD Lube and How Does It Work?
This is usually the first question I hear.
CBD lube (or CBD intimacy oil) is a topical product designed to support comfort, blood flow, and relaxation during intimacy.
Traditional lubricants reduce friction.
Full spectrum CBD in a lubricant works a little differently.
CBD interacts with the body’s endocannabinoid system, which plays a role in regulating inflammation, pain, mood, and circulation. When applied to intimate tissue, it may help increase blood flow and reduce tension, which can support natural arousal and comfort.
Upstate Mary lubricants use an organic MCT coconut oil base, which is nourishing and reduces friction. Every product is boosted with the pain-relieving and relaxing properties of full-spectrum CBD.
What many women tell me is that it doesn’t feel like a dramatic or artificial change — it feels like their body is able to relax and respond more naturally.
That’s really the goal.
Not to override the body, but to support it.
Our FRIDAY CBD Arousal Oil was created with this in mind; clean plant-based oils, New York-grown hemp, and a gentle formulation designed specifically for intimate tissue.
2. Is CBD Safe for Vaginal Use?
Safety is always the most important question, and I’m glad people ask it.
The truth is that CBD itself is generally considered safe for topical use, but the formulation matters a lot.
The vaginal and vulvar area is extremely sensitive, so products should always be:
- fragrance-free*
- paraben-free
- glycerin-free
- lab tested
- made with clean plant oils
- designed specifically for intimate use
When we created Upstate Mary products, this was non-negotiable. Clean ingredients, transparent sourcing, and gentle formulations had to come first.
As with any wellness product, I always encourage people to start slowly, listen to their bodies, and talk with a healthcare provider if they have medical concerns.
CBD should feel supportive, not overwhelming or irritating.
*While our Friday Arousal oil is my personal favorite, I tend to steer people towards Slide Intimacy Oil or our Hunter Intimacy Melts if they mention skin sensitivity. Our Friday Arousal oil contains organic botanical oils, such as cinnamon and sweet mint to aid in warming and stimulation.
3. Can CBD Help Painful Sex?
This is one of the most emotional questions I hear.
Because painful sex doesn’t just affect the body; it affects confidence, relationships, and how people feel about themselves.
Painful sex can happen for many reasons:
- perimenopause or menopause
- vaginal dryness
- pelvic floor tension
- postpartum changes
- stress and anxiety
- hormonal shifts
- medical treatments or surgeries
CBD may help by supporting relaxation and reducing inflammation in the tissue. It can also improve blood flow, which helps the body prepare for intimacy more naturally.
What I often tell women is this:
CBD isn’t a cure, but it can be a supportive tool that helps remove some of the discomfort and fear so intimacy feels possible again.
For deeper pelvic support, many women use CBD suppositories in addition to topical oils. Try our award-winning Hunter Intimacy Melts with CBD.
4. What Is the Best Natural Lube for Menopause?
Menopause changes the body in ways most women are never really prepared for.
Lower estrogen can lead to:
- dryness
- thinning tissue
- discomfort
- reduced lubrication
- sensitivity during penetration
The best natural lubricant for menopause should do more than reduce friction — it should support hydration and tissue health.
I always recommend looking for:
- plant-based oils
- CBD or botanical support
- clean ingredients
- long-lasting moisture
- no synthetic chemicals
The goal isn’t just lubrication. It’s helping the body feel comfortable and supported again. Natural oils combined with full spectrum CBD can help restore ease and confidence over time.
5. Can CBD Help Increase Arousal?
This is where there’s often confusion.
CBD is not an aphrodisiac or stimulant.
It doesn’t force arousal.
What it does is support the conditions that allow arousal to happen.
Arousal is connected to:
- blood flow
- relaxation
- emotional safety
- stress levels
- comfort in the body
CBD may help by reducing tension and increasing circulation, which allows the body to respond more naturally.
In my experience, when the body feels safe and relaxed, desire tends to return on its own. CBD simply helps create space for that.
6. What Helps Vaginal Dryness Naturally?
Vaginal dryness is incredibly common, especially in perimenopause and menopause, but also during times of stress, breastfeeding, or hormonal change.
Natural support often includes:
- plant-based intimacy oils
- CBD-infused products
- hydration and healthy fats
- pelvic floor relaxation
- stress reduction
- hormone support when appropriate
I always think of it as a gentle, layered approach.
The body responds best when we support it consistently rather than trying to force quick solutions.
Small changes over time tend to make the biggest difference.
7. How Do CBD Suppositories Work?
Our award-winning CBD suppositories are designed to be inserted vaginally so they can dissolve and absorb directly into pelvic tissue.
This allows for deeper support than a topical oil alone.
They may help:
- relax pelvic muscles
- reduce inflammation
- improve circulation
- ease tension and discomfort
- support recovery and comfort
Many women use them at night or before intimacy to allow the body time to relax.
They’re especially helpful for pelvic pain, muscle tension, and deeper vaginal dryness.
Think of them as internal support, while intimacy oil works externally.
Together, they create a more complete approach to comfort and healing.
8. Does CBD Improve Sexual Pleasure?
CBD doesn’t create pleasure on its own.
But it can remove the barriers that often prevent pleasure from happening.
Things like:
- discomfort
- tension
- dryness
- stress
- anxiety
- inflammation
When those barriers are reduced, the body is able to feel more present and responsive. Pleasure becomes more accessible. What many women describe isn’t a dramatic change; it’s a return to feeling like themselves again.
And that’s incredibly powerful.
9. What Are the Benefits of CBD for Women?
CBD is being explored in many areas of women’s wellness.
Potential benefits include:
- stress support
- reduced inflammation
- muscle relaxation
- improved sleep
- pelvic comfort
- intimacy support
- nervous system regulation
What draws many women to CBD is that it’s plant-based and works with the body’s natural systems. It’s not about forcing change. It’s about supporting balance.
10. Is CBD Good for Pelvic Pain?
Pelvic pain is often complex and layered.
It can involve muscle tension, inflammation, nerve sensitivity, hormonal changes, and stress.
CBD may help support pelvic comfort by:
- relaxing muscles
- reducing inflammation
- improving blood flow
- calming the nervous system
- easing tension
I always believe in a whole-body approach.
CBD works best alongside pelvic floor therapy, medical care when needed, and stress management. Healing and comfort come from supporting the body in multiple ways.
Why I Started Upstate Mary
Upstate Mary was created because I believed sexual wellness should feel safe, clean, and approachable.
It should feel human.
It should feel honest.
And it should be rooted in care for the body and the environment.
Our Farm to Bedroom™ philosophy connects New York-grown hemp with thoughtfully designed products that support intimacy, comfort, and connection at every stage of life.
Because pleasure and comfort shouldn’t disappear as we age.
They should evolve with us.
And we deserve support along the way.
About the Author
Melissa is the co-founder of Upstate Mary, a Hudson Valley-based sexual wellness brand rooted in clean ingredients, sustainability, and plant-based intimacy support. A breast cancer survivor, speaker, and advocate for body acceptance and pleasure at every stage of life, Melissa writes and speaks openly about perimenopause, pelvic health, intimacy, and reclaiming confidence in changing bodies. Upstate Mary and her work has been featured in national publications (i.e. Oprah Daily and Business Insider) and wellness platforms. She is committed to breaking taboos around sexual health, aging, and healing through honest, science-backed education and storytelling.
Melissa Eppard | Co-Founder of Upstate Mary | Hudson Valley, NY