If you’re weeks (or months) into new motherhood and sex feels like a distant memory, you’re in good company.
Your partner might be waiting for “the green light,” but your body is still healing, your hormones are out of whack, and honestly? Even the idea of being touched might feel overwhelming. You’re not broken. You’re human. And you’ve just done something monumental.
This is a tender season. One where you deserve support, softness, and science—not shame.
Let’s get into why desire shifts after baby, and what you can do to gently find your way back to intimacy—on your timeline.
Let’s Start with the Truth: You’ve Changed. And That’s Okay.
Motherhood breaks you open—physically, emotionally, spiritually.
You’re not the person you were before. You’ve grown, stretched, healed, and shifted. You’re navigating a brand-new relationship with your body, your baby, and your partner. That changes your libido too. But that doesn’t mean you’ve lost it. It just needs time, care, and sometimes a little creative support to reawaken. Let’s break it down, science and all.
What’s Actually Happening In Your Postpartum Body?
This isn’t about mood. It’s not in your head. There are physiological reasons you’re not craving sex—and they’re valid.
1. Estrogen and Testosterone Take a Dive
After birth, estrogen and progesterone levels drop sharply—especially after the placenta detaches. If you’re breastfeeding, prolactin stays elevated and keeps estrogen and testosterone suppressed, both of which are crucial for libido and vaginal health.
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Lower estrogen = dryness, irritation, low arousal
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Lower testosterone = reduced libido and energy
According to The North American Menopause Society, hormonal shifts postpartum are strikingly similar to perimenopause, with many of the same symptoms—including low desire.
2. Cortisol is Up, and That’s Not Helping
Cortisol, your body’s stress hormone, increases when you’re overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, or constantly “on.” High cortisol blocks oxytocin (the hormone of trust, love, and arousal). No wonder you feel disconnected.
Add in hyper-touch (baby on your chest 24/7) and overstimulation (hello, 2am diaper changes and crying spells), and your body just doesn’t want any more input.
Tip: Regulating your nervous system—even in small doses—can shift cortisol and allow your body to feel safe again.
3. Birth Recovery, Pain, and Pelvic Trauma
Painful sex postpartum is incredibly common—especially with tearing, stitches, C-section recovery, or pelvic floor trauma. One study referenced in National Library of Medicine found that over 43% of women experience dyspareunia (painful intercourse) 6 months after childbirth.
Common symptoms:
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Vaginal tightness or burning
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Fear of penetration
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Scar tissue discomfort
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Pelvic heaviness or prolapse
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Urinary leaks during sex
You are not expected to jump back in before you’re ready. Sex should never hurt—and you deserve compassionate solutions.
Emotional Weight: The Mental Load of Motherhood
Desire doesn’t live in your genitals. It lives in your brain.
And right now, that brain is juggling feeding schedules, mental checklists, diaper counts, relationship dynamics, healing, and maybe a sprinkle of postpartum anxiety or depression.
1 in 5 women experience postpartum mood disorders.
And guess what? Depression and anxiety directly impact libido. You can’t feel playful, curious, or sexual when your brain is in survival mode.
If that’s where you are, please seek support. Therapy, medication, support groups, and rest are just as vital as lube and hormones.
How to Rekindle Intimacy—On Your Terms
Now for the gentle part: how to rebuild desire and connection without pressure, performance, or shame.
1. Talk About It (Even If It’s Awkward)
Your partner might be wondering if you’re still attracted to them—or if something’s wrong. They likely don’t know what’s going on biologically or emotionally.
Share what’s happening with your body. Use phrases like:
“I love you. I miss our connection. But my body’s still healing, and I need some space and support as I figure out what feels good again.”
Or even:
“I want intimacy, but right now, I need closeness without expectations.”
2. Support Your Body with Ritual and Tools
Here’s where natural intimacy support comes in—gently, lovingly.
CBD for Intimacy
CBD interacts with the body’s endocannabinoid system to reduce inflammation, ease pelvic tension, improve blood flow, and help your body feel safe.
Try:
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CBD-infused lubricants: Great for dryness, pain, and increased sensitivity
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CBD vaginal suppositories: Relieve tension, reduce inflammation, support circulation
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CBD massage oil: Use for non-sexual touch, breast massage, or reconnecting with your partner
It has been noted that cannabinoids may play a role in enhancing sexual experiences by reducing anxiety, boosting arousal, improving orgasm intensity and frequency, and enhancing overall pleasure.
Pelvic Floor Therapy
If you're experiencing pain, tightness, or loss of sensation, a pelvic floor physical therapist can help with rehab, scar tissue release, and rebuilding strength and confidence. Check out our friends at Hem Support Wear—underwear thoughtfully designed with gentle compression to support your pelvic floor.
Hormone Support
Low-dose vaginal estrogen or transdermal testosterone can be helpful postpartum, even if you're nursing. Always talk to your provider about options that support both healing and desire.
3. Relearn Pleasure—Without a Goal
Pleasure is not a performance. It’s a practice. Try:
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Non-sexual touch: Back rubs, cuddling, hair stroking—simple, connective contact
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Solo pleasure: Use arousal oil, breathe deeply, touch yourself slowly. Not necessarily to orgasm, but to feel
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Create a ritual: A bath, a playlist, a journal—something that reconnects you with your body, even for 10 minutes a day
You Are Still You. And You Are Worth This Work.
Your desire didn’t disappear. It just went quiet for a little while.
And when it’s ready—it will whisper back.
You’ll catch a moment of softness. A tingle. A flicker of interest. A want that isn’t about performance, but about feeling seen, held, touched, and real.
You don’t need to rush. You don’t need to force. You just need a space to return to yourself—and a partner who holds that space with you.
Our Farm to Bedroom™ Collection Was Made for This Time
We created our CBD-infused collection for real-life moments like this one—when pleasure feels out of reach, and you're ready to gently reconnect.
- FRIDAY Arousal Oil – with full-spectrum CBD + essential oils to stimulate blood flow and awaken sensation
- CBD Suppositories – for pelvic tension, period pain, and post-birth discomfort
- Body/Massage Oil + Ritual Tools – because self-touch and nervous system support are part of the healing
You’ve got this, mama. And we’ve got you.
ABOUT UPSTATE MARY
Upstate Mary is a women-led sexual wellness brand rooted in the power of plants and the practice of self-care. Our signature Farm to Bedroom™ collection features full-spectrum CBD intimacy oils, suppositories, and sensual self-care essentials made with organic botanicals and sustainably grown cannabis from New York.
Whether you're navigating menopause, postpartum recovery, or simply seeking to enhance intimacy and increase arousal, our body-safe, hormone-friendly formulas are designed to support pleasure, connection, and natural balance at every stage of life.
Explore our collection and rediscover your sensuality—naturally, with Upstate Mary.