What No One Tells You About Midlife Desire (and How to Rekindle It). Let’s be honest: no one prepares you for how desire changes in your 40s and 50s. You might feel like your libido took a permanent vacation. Or maybe intimacy feels more like a chore than something you crave.
Sound familiar?
You’re not broken. You’re just in a new phase — and that’s worth honoring, not hiding.
The truth is, midlife desire doesn’t disappear — it evolves. And when we support our bodies with the right tools — like CBD, mindfulness, and hormone-friendly rituals — that spark doesn’t just come back… it burns brighter.
Why Does Libido Change After 40?
There are many factors that influence low libido in midlife, especially for women and people with vulvas:
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Hormonal changes: Estrogen and testosterone decline during perimenopause and menopause, which impacts arousal, vaginal lubrication, and mood.
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Increased stress and mental load: Caregiving, career pressure, and poor sleep impact libido directly.
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Body image shifts: Many people report feeling less confident or disconnected from their bodies during midlife transitions.
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Pelvic floor changes: Childbirth, aging, and lack of movement can contribute to discomfort during intimacy.
The Science Behind It
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A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that up to 75% of women experience sexual dysfunction during perimenopause, with decreased desire being one of the most common symptoms.
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According to Harvard Health Publishing, stress, relationship quality, and mental well-being are equally important in shaping libido — often more than hormones alone.
How to Reignite Desire — Mindfully and Naturally
You don’t need to force your way back into a libido that feels like the past. You’re not trying to “fix” anything — you’re reclaiming it.
Here’s how:
1. Understand Your Desire Type (Yes, There’s More Than One)
Not everyone experiences desire the same way.
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Spontaneous desire shows up suddenly — like it often did in your 20s.
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Responsive desire happens after arousal begins — through touch, closeness, or emotional connection.
Most people shift toward responsive desire in midlife. That’s completely normal — and incredibly empowering to know.
🔗 Recommended reading: “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski, PhD
2. Try CBD for Intimacy and Relaxation
CBD (cannabidiol), a non-psychoactive compound from the hemp plant, has shown promise in supporting both physical and mental contributors to low libido.
How CBD Helps:
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Reduces stress and anxiety
Studies show CBD interacts with serotonin receptors and the endocannabinoid system to help regulate mood and calm the nervous system.
Source: NIH Review on CBD and Anxiety, 2015
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Improves blood flow and reduces pelvic tension
When applied topically (like in arousal oils or suppositories), CBD may enhance blood circulation and reduce inflammation in intimate areas.
Source: Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2021
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Combats vaginal dryness and discomfort
CBD lubricants and suppositories can help relieve dryness, especially when paired with organic oils like jojoba or coconut.
Source: Healthline, Cannabis May Offer Relief From Menopause Symptoms
3. Get Mindful (Even for 5 Minutes)
Desire lives in the present moment. And yet, most of us are stuck in our heads — spiraling through to-do lists, resentment, and distractions.
Mindfulness, breathwork, or even a slow body scan can help you reconnect to your body. Create mindful pleasure rituals. Desire thrives when you feel safe, connected, and present — not rushed, pressured, or disconnected.
Consider incorporating pleasure rituals into your week:
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Set a sensual mood (lighting, scent, music)
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Use breathwork (breathing or meditation necklace) or gentle movement to reconnect to your body
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Touch yourself slowly — not with the goal of orgasm, but with curiosity
Even five minutes of intentional, loving touch can rewire your relationship with pleasure.
Try this before intimacy, or anytime you want to ground yourself:
✨ Practice: Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths. Bring awareness to your chest, belly, and pelvis. Ask, What do I feel here? What do I need right now?
You might be surprised what comes up.
4. Communicate Without Shame
One of the most powerful libido boosters? Being seen and heard. Talk with your partner openly. Tell them what feels good now. Share your needs — even if they’re new or uncertain. Let your partner know how they can support you — emotionally, sensually, physically. Even saying “I don’t know what I need yet, but I want to find out” is powerful.
Research shows that emotional intimacy and communication are directly linked to higher sexual satisfaction in midlife partnerships.
Source: Menopause: The Journal of The North American Menopause Society, 2020
You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Becoming.
Your body is wiser now. Your pleasure is more nuanced. Your desire, while different, is still deeply yours.
Midlife isn’t the end of your sex life — it’s an invitation to create a new, more meaningful connection with yourself and your body.
And with the right support — from plant medicine to mindful touch — you can reclaim it with tenderness, curiosity, and joy.
Where to Start?
At Upstate Mary, we believe pleasure is your birthright — at every age and every stage.
✅ Explore our Friday Arousal Oil with CBD for enhanced arousal and sensation
✅ Try our CBD suppositories to ease tension and support pelvic health
✅ Read more stories from real people rediscovering pleasure after 40
👉 Shop the Farm to Bedroom™ Collection
👉 Follow us on Instagram for rituals, education, and empowerment
Need help finding the right product or ritual?
Email us at hello@upstatemary.com or DM @upstatemary — we love helping women fall in love with their bodies again.
ABOUT UPSTATE MARY
Upstate Mary is a women-led sexual wellness brand rooted in the power of plants and the practice of self-care. Our signature Farm to Bedroom™ collection features full-spectrum CBD intimacy oils, suppositories, and sensual self-care essentials made with organic botanicals and sustainably grown cannabis from New York.
Whether you're navigating menopause, postpartum recovery, or simply seeking to enhance intimacy and increase arousal, our body-safe, hormone-friendly formulas are designed to support pleasure, connection, and natural balance at every stage of life.
Explore our collection and rediscover your sensuality—naturally, with Upstate Mary.