Slow Burn: Foreplay and the Art of Anticipation. In a world where we’re all on a deadline and extra time is hard to come by, slowing things down may feel foreign or unnecessary. When it comes to sex, of course, we all want to make it to the main event; however, there are some benefits to focusing more on the foreplay than rushing through to climax. But before we get to the benefits of foreplay, let’s talk more about what foreplay is, the activities that count as foreplay. and how long it typically lasts.
What is foreplay?
Foreplay, sometimes referred to as “outercourse,” is the physical and emotional activity that occurs before sexual intercourse. That could be kissing, cuddling, touching, role-play, talking about fantasies, massage, strip teasing, or even sexting can be considered a foreplay activity. As you may expect, it’s not the same for everyone, getting “in the mood” differs from person to person. For many of us, the spontaneous desire we felt in our 20s is replaced by responsive desire, where arousal comes after emotional cues like feeling seen and supported, and physical cues that promote feelings of relaxation and connection. When you consider this, foreplay begins long before you even get into the bedroom.
Does foreplay always lead to sex?
Yes, it can, but it also doesn’t have to! Foreplay can be the main event. Research shows that foreplay can be all you need to reach orgasm, and women often cannot orgasm with just intercourse alone.
How long does foreplay typically last?
Glamour conducted a survey and found that most foreplay sessions last between five to nine minutes, with sex lasting 10 to 14 minutes. However, WebMD cited that one study reported that most people have the same ideal length of foreplay, about 20 minutes. This discrepancy shows that while many might report that 20 minutes feels ideal, in actuality five to nine minutes is more accurate on average.
Why is foreplay important?
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Foreplay can make your sex even better. Foreplay builds anticipation, helping release hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. This mix of hormones lowers your cortisol and helps increase your feelings of love, affection, and euphoria.
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Foreplay literally gets the juices flowing in your body. Is your heart pumping? That’s blood rushing to your genitals and erogenous zones. This also helps increase lubrication for a more pleasurable sexual experience.
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It may help you feel more connected to your partner. Foreplay can improve emotional connection and intimacy in the bedroom.
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You’ll be more likely to orgasm. The Journal of Sex Research found that the more foreplay happened before sex, the more likely there was to be an orgasm at the end of the session. The build up really works!
What are some tips for improving foreplay?
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Communicate with your partner about what really turns them on. Discussing the types of foreplay you like and your boundaries can help improve your next encounter, making sure everyone is satisfied.
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Make a conscious effort to slow things down. When it feels like things are about to go to the next level, backpedal a little bit to build anticipation.
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Get creative with your foreplay tactics. Go beyond making out with some new foreplay ideas. Maybe that’s dirty talk, a sexy movie, or an intimate dance session. A little teasing can go a long way!
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Add some lubrication to the mix. We love a CBD-infused lube to promote relaxation, increase blood flow, and set the mood. Hot tip: an intimacy oil can also double as a massage oil for a sexy rub down!
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Set the scene. Take time to make sure your space is as sexy as possible. Turn down the lights, light a candle, turn on some music, put away any distractions and really focus on quality time with your partner.
No matter how you like your foreplay, what’s important is communicating and connecting with your partner to ensure the pleasure you both deserve. For more foreplay ideas and tips, follow us on social media and stay up on our latest blog posts.
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At Upstate Mary, we celebrate the power of plants and the beauty of self-care. Our Farm to Bedroom™ collection is designed to support pleasure and connection at every stage of life, whether you’re navigating menopause, postpartum, or simply exploring your sensuality. Formulated with organic botanicals and full-spectrum CBD, our intimacy oils and suppositories nurture your body without disrupting its natural balance.
Rediscover your pleasure with Upstate Mary.