Change the Vibe: The New Rules of Romance. While Valentine’s Day is a holiday known for heart-shaped chocolate boxes, fancy dinner reservations, dozens of red roses, diamond jewelry, and cheesy greeting cards, it doesn’t have to be. Maybe your idea of celebrating love doesn’t include any of those things at all, and that’s okay too. Celebrating the person you love, or even some self-love can be a wonderful practice, so we’re redefining Valentine’s Day with some new rules for spending the day of romance. Think: Less pressure, more pleasure.
Rule 1: Practice presence over presents
Feeling the pressure over the perfect Valentine’s Day gift? This holiday is known for hefty spending, so we’re not surprised you’re stressed. In fact, in the United States, people spend over $27.5 billion on Valentine's Day each year. This makes it the third-most expensive holiday for consumers in the country. Instead of feeling like you need to spend a lot of money to say “Be Mine, Valentine” focus on quality intimacy. Put your phone away. No social media or work calls. Carve out time that you can really focus on each other without distraction.
Rule 2: Self-love is important, too
If you’re single, Valentine’s Day can cause a lot of feelings. Especially with the flood of posts from couples in your social media feeds. Rather than thinking about V-Day as a day for love between two people, reconsider it as a day to care for yourself. Maybe that means dedicating time to your favorite hobbies, catching up with a friend, indulging in a spa treatment, or finding pleasure with a toy or CBD sex oil (the Better Sex Bundle is the ultimate personal treat). Whatever you choose, make it something that helps you feel good. You deserve it, no matter your relationship status.
Rule 3: Eliminate Date Night Pressure
Date night doesn’t have to equal a stuffy restaurant, an expensive tasting menu, or being dressed to the nines (unless that’s what you genuinely like to do!). Take the pressure off your shoulders and spend the evening just as you prefer. Maybe that’s a sensual massage, cooking an aphrodisiac-inspired meal together, or taking a workout class with a sexy sweat. Maybe you want to wear athleisure gear, or maybe you want to go with a full Valentine’s Day beauty routine. It’s all about doing what makes you and your partner most comfortable to set the vibe.
Rule 4: Always Set the Mood
Maybe your ideal date is super casual–relaxing on the sofa together and sharing your favorite snacks. Level that up by setting the mood for pleasure. It’s a romance holiday, after all. Build a serene space by lighting a candle with an intoxicating scent. Also, add some CBD-infused massage oil or lubricant to the mix. CBD promotes relaxation, increases blood flow, and helps ease anxiety–all ideal for a chill, sexy Valentine’s Day. Other ways to set the vibe? Turn on some music, make a cocktail or mocktail, or add some fresh flowers or other decorative elements to your room. Lingerie is more than just fabric—it’s a tool for empowerment. Wearing something that makes you feel confident can enhance your intimate experiences. If comfort is key, brands like AnaOno offer stylish and supportive lingerie for all body types, including post-surgery options. Shop sensual styles at AnaOno and use code UPSTATEMARY for 15% off your purchase.
Rule 5: Communication above all.
What makes your partner feel loved on Valentine’s Day? Maybe it’s quality time without distractions, or lots of physical touch. Maybe they really love to go out on the town, or perhaps they prefer something quieter. Having an open dialogue about what satisfies your needs eliminates the pressure and guessing around the holiday. The five love languages are a legitimate way to better understand how you and your partner want to be loved! The same goes for the bedroom. Talking with your partner about what turns you on is key to sexual satisfaction. We should all be talking about sex more for happier, healthier relationships.
A recent New York Times article made us pause this Valentine's Day: Why have so many women accepted discomfort, exhaustion, and hormonal shifts as just part of getting older—especially when these changes affect everything from sleep to intimacy? Here’s the truth: You don’t have to. And Gen X women are leading the charge.
The era of suffering in silence is over. Women are tuning into their bodies, advocating for their well-being, and declaring, I deserve to feel amazing at every stage of life. And honestly? We couldn’t agree more! Your body evolves, but that doesn’t mean your pleasure, confidence, and vitality have to fade into the background.
What’s your ideal way to spend Valentine’s Day? Share with us on social media and show us some love.
ABOUT UPSTATE MARY
At Upstate Mary, we celebrate the power of plants and the beauty of self-care. Our Farm to Bedroom™ collection is designed to support pleasure and connection at every stage of life, whether you’re navigating menopause, postpartum, or simply exploring your sensuality. Formulated with organic botanicals and full-spectrum CBD, our intimacy oils and suppositories nurture your body without disrupting its natural balance.
Rediscover your pleasure with Upstate Mary.